He Told Me He's The Elf on The Shelf

He may also need a haircut.

And now, an excerpt from the boys' bath time last week:

The boys practice swimming while taking their baths, switching from "floating" on their backs to sliding the length of the tub on their stomachs.  They had flipped over onto their backs.  Jack looked at Nathan's nipple and pointed.  "Is that your belly button?"

"No.  I only have one of those.  These are my dots."


And now, a few stories found scribbled on a pink sheet of computer paper stashed in a kitchen drawer.  I can't tell you when these stories actually occurred, but the paper I found them on has a note scrawled across the top instructing me to "figure out a plan" before October 8th (with an exclamation point, two to be precise).  So without further ado, stories presumably from September (but more likely from the first week of October scribbled by a frantic mama without a plan):


Jason went to check on Nathan one night before heading to bed.  He put his hand on Nathan's back.  A drowsy voice issued from the pillow, "Is that God?"

"No, just Daddy."

"Just Daddy," said Nathan, eyes still closed. 


An explanation by Nathan to Jack regarding rabbits:

"And they eat carrots, which are so easy to make because they're already made."


An explanation by Audrey to Nathan* as we passed a cemetery in the car:

"See those stones?  There are dead people under there."


*An now an explanation from Mama about the use of the name Nathan.  The really observant among you who had their morning coffee, an early morning jog, and the blessing of all synapses firing rapidly may have noticed that Nathan was not referred to as Nate in this post.  Not a single time.  Some of you with slow Fridays and twiddling fingers might even be asking yourselves why.  Do not fear: I will tell you.  In October, Nathan informed us that he doesn't like the name Nate.  He only wants to be called Nathan.  I asked how he felt about Bear, a nickname his father has used since Nathan was crawling. 

"I like Bear.  But bears are a little dangerous.  Bears hunt, so if a bear is coming after you, he's probably going to kill you." 

Which is a little Friday wisdom we could all use.  Do not refer to Nathan as Nate, and if you see a bear coming towards you, you might want to high-tail it out of the way.  He's probably going to kill you.  You're welcome.